A new beginning. What is that? I’ll tell you what it is – a phrase that I’ve announced far too often for it’s own good.
I’m 18 years of age, and already I’ve continually heard myself say that I’m going to have a “fresh start” or a “new beginning”. Upon saying this, I was expecting to just become happy with my life and finally become content with what I had and what I was doing, despite what anyone else thought. But, honestly, it isn’t that simple (as I’ve learnt more than enough times). I’ll admit I have tried more times than others to make it work for me, but it never did – at least not yet.
I let other peoples opinions infect and take over my own, I know I do – I just can’t seem to protect myself from it. So, if someone tells me I’m better off doing something else, whatever it may be, then I’ll think they are right and I’ll do it. Not always, but the majority of the time. My new beginnings haven’t always been for me, but perhaps for what I think other people want, so that in return I can make them happy, because I’m doing what they asked and what they wanted.
So, how many other people go through phases of taking a “fresh start”? Do they stumble upon obstacles that make them question the direction they chose? Yes, everyone does. But, how many is too many? For me, I believe these changes are inevitable.
Within the past two years, I’ve gone through many changes, two of which have affected me quite a lot. I don’t like change at the best of times, so having to deal with huge bouts of it at once can be quite difficult, and sometimes unbearable, for me to cope with. In September 2012, I began studying 3 A Levels – psychology, health and social care and ICT. I was happy, at the beginning. I thought, “This is good, I feel content. This is where I’m meant to be in life, I can achieve my grades and go on to university.” Little did I know, that I wouldn’t be as accomplished as I’d hoped. Things happened, I dropped out after only 5 months. I sunk like a ship in ice water, drowning for months until I decided I needed to breathe again. I wasn’t happy, or coping. Until I changed things, yet again, and they got better for a while. I applied to study health and social care in September 2013, at a college that I’d never heard of before. I didn’t know anyone there and although I was full of anxiety, I did it. A fresh start – again. I loved this course. I loved the people, the teachers, the environment. I was exceptionally happy, healthy and hopeful.
Until 2 weeks ago, things came crashing back in like an iceberg on that ship again. Except this time, it was fast. And right now, I’m falling through that water trying to catch a breath of air that I know I won’t reach anytime soon.
Again, I ask myself the same question as those other times before – what am I going to do now?
After researching about this, I found that a “new beginning” can only really be achieved when people are emotionally ready to behave and think in a completely different way, and are able to let go of the past. So, what happens to those who don’t find themselves ready to accept this change? Do they carry on in the already deprived situation that they are in? Or, do they force themselves to make this change, and if so, will that really work if it’s against their will? These are just questions that I tend to ask myself and query about others. Every person is different and each change will affect us in a different way, we just need to figure out what way works best for us individually.
Life isn’t supposed to be easy (why that is, I have no idea). But it’s something that, I guess, has to be sucked up and dealt with besides the obstacles we all must face on a daily basis. We face hard times, some try to confront them while others try to avoid them, both are going to face problems along the way. Everyone is going to face problems in life, they are 100 per cent inevitable. In order to provide the best for yourself in life, you must focus on what is ahead of you, rather than what is behind you. You’re only ever going to move forward, never backwards. Time is moving fast, and we are all running out of it. Take what you have and make the most out of it, reach for your goals and achieve what you are capable of, because one day you’re going to regret not doing them.
So, here I am again. Taking yet another new beginning…